Why Being in Control Is a Gift to Your Child (Even When They Don’t Like It)
- Gina Gersh
- Jul 16
- 3 min read
“You need to be in control for the sake of your child.”
That phrase might sound strict at first glance, but let’s be honest—parenting isn’t about being liked all the time. It’s about leading with love, with clarity, and with confidence—even when it’s really, really hard.
And it is hard. Especially at bedtime.
One of the most common struggles I hear from parents is the bedtime marathon: the 10 times they’re called back into the room, the endless hand-holding, the rocking, the last-minute requests, the tears. It can be gut-wrenching to hold your ground when your child is crying out for you. Every part of you wants to respond instantly—“She needs me. She’ll think I don’t care. I can’t just leave her.”
And I get it. As a pediatric sleep and behaviour coach, and as a mom of four, I’ve been there. But here’s the truth no one says enough: just because you’re not doing exactly what your child wants in that moment doesn’t mean you’re being neglectful. In fact, it’s the opposite.
Being in control—setting boundaries around sleep, routines, food, behaviour—is one of the clearest ways to show our kids we care. Boundaries help children feel safe. They may not like them at first, but they need them.
Let’s look at bedtime again. When we lie with our child until they fall asleep, or bring them into our bed every night because they protest or cry, we’re giving immediate comfort. But we’re also teaching them that sleep is something they can’t do without us. That it’s not safe unless we’re present. Over time, they rely on us more and more, and their sleep becomes fragmented. And so does ours.
That exhaustion trickles into every part of our day:
We lose our patience more easily.
We don’t have time or energy to refuel ourselves.
We miss connection with a partner or another child.
And our child still isn’t getting the quality sleep they need for healthy development.
It’s not easy to step back from the soothing, to stop intervening so often. But when we zoom out and look at the bigger picture, we realize the short-term discomfort leads to long-term gains.
Sleep training (in whatever form is right for your family) isn’t about leaving your child alone to cry. It’s about teaching them that they can fall asleep—and stay asleep—on their own. It’s about showing them that their body knows how to rest. It’s about trusting in their resilience, and in your guidance.
And more than anything, it’s about shifting the question from “How do I make this easier tonight?” to “What do I want my child to learn over time?”
That’s what real parenting is. It’s not always soothing and soft. Sometimes it’s saying no. Sometimes it’s holding the limit even when they cry. Sometimes it’s stepping out of the room when every part of you wants to stay.
But it’s also knowing that your presence is never in question. Your love is not conditional. You are showing up—for the long run. With structure, consistency, and care.
Our children are not yet wired to make healthy, long-term decisions on their own. They would choose candy over vegetables, staying up late over sleep, and avoiding cleanup over responsibility—every time. Not because they’re “bad,” but because they’re still learning. That’s where we come in.
You are not being too firm when you stick to a bedtime. You are not being cold when you say no to a third snack. You are not being unfair when you end play to clean up.
You are parenting.
And that’s the most loving thing you can do.
Posts to reference for more information on Sleep Support:
Gina xo
Need help holding those boundaries—especially around sleep? Let’s talk. I offer 1:1 support for families navigating bedtime battles, night wakings, and toddler behaviour. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.
📅 Book a free 15-minute call to chat about what’s going on and how I can help:👉 www.lullabygina.com/scheduling
Or reach out anytime:
You’ve got this—and I’ve got you.
Comments